I Seek, But I Cannot Find It

I was once asked, "what would happen if we were to part?"
While I could only imagine the pain it would mean
I had just tried to be a realist and said,
"Life goes on..."

Life does go on
But the pain deepens every night
When keepsakes in my mind flood my moments of solitude
When sleep plays hide and seek with my ravaged, tired, sleepless head

I seek company, I seek crowds; I run away
I seek isolation, confinement; I run away
I seek out my reclusive alter ego; I run away
I seek replays of good times; I run away

Far and away where I find find no one
I seek to lose myself in a hazy maze of adored dreams
Spiteful reality closing in on it, leaving me looking around
Searching for an exit; I feel trapped


Trapped in a spiral of endless wait
Trapped despite the openness in my heart
Trapped in the quagmire of my own expectations and self-respect
Trapped in the whirlwind of a tumultuous, rocky, addled  spirit

I dream, I hope, I reminisce; I cannot seem to find it
Groping about in the grim, dark alleys, the paths of my memory
I seek to find the same love, pleasure, pain
I cannot find it