Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The dilemma that is she

Tiny reluctant smiles tiptoeing around closed doors, trying to stun the pensive visions that live inside. The visions sit, only brooding - over moments lived and unlived; over relationships lost and found; over things that had been, and things that will never be.

The hand of happiness tries to gently prise open, the blue-veined teary veils that keep her from seeing the untried chances, unmade choices, unyielding charms. All it feels is the cold gloom snaking over what once throbbed with a lively pulse of hope and the thrill of adventure.

The slimy gloom slithers and coils around the the weak, tired, trembling shadow of that heart of hers, asphyxiating her with the dread of unsaid loving words, unheard friendly whispers, unseen glimpses of togetherness...

The dread of being untouched by the sweet hand of passion; of being undone by fears that creep along the crevices of her mind, contaminating it with that diseased malignant grime of despair; of being unwanted despite her unhesitating brazen lips reaching out to kiss what she desires.

Flitting past the windows of her eyes shut tight, she senses the obvious but still cannot see. The past she gleefully lived and the moments her heart conjured are the stars and the moon spotting the blackness of her crazed see-sawing mind, teetering along the knife's edge.

To lose heart and to step over the precipice into gloom.... To live with hope and take the leap of faith.... She sways  to the rhythm of frenzied practicality that blends with the tune of calculated insanity. The sounds and the smells of doom fill her senses, but in her mind's eye, she knows what she wants is what it will be.


Anonymous said...

You always manage to show that flicker of light in your writings, however sad they may be... call it hope, or the will to keep moving and dreaming...

Keep up the positivity!!

Bhansali Anonymous

Shibangi said...

Dear Bhansali Anonymous,

Feels great to read a comment on my blog after this long. Can't complain. Haven't been too regular here myself.

Thanks, as always, for your words of encouragement. I don't know why, but I am now beginning to feel that even too much positivity can be a bane. Too much optimism can be a disease. Should I crib about it, though, because it keeps me going...


Anonymous said...

Hmm you got me thinking. But I don't think I agree...

I look at it this way. Imagine a number line, starts with a zero, and goes up to infinity. Anything positive takes you forward, and negative moves you back.

Dark is zero, there cannot be more darkness than that. But can there be something called too much light?? It's blinding beyond a point just because your eyes can't take any more...

Death is zero. There cannot be more death. More than that is life. Ever heard something like "He's got too much life in him"!!

The more the better :)

Bhan. Anon.

Shibangi said...

Aah... Rationality. Sucked at it right from the time my school tried to force it down my throat :)

You do make sense though. Something to ponder upon.

New post up. Would be nice to hear from you again.

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah! rational we are, and rational we become, but only to others...

On your newer post, its a beauty! Simple. Subtle... Somehow made me remember the lines
"Mann mein rakhoon to mann jale, Kahoon to mukh jal jaye...
Jaise goonge ko sapna bhayo, samajh samajh pachhtaye..."

Some hold them close, some let them go. Each did what they thought right, you, and your little friends too. They didn't lie! They were innocent. Thought they could help, tried their best. Alas!

... and as usual, I got carried away! Thankfully, you cant block me :D

Bhan. Anon.

Shibangi said...

Wouldn't want to block you :)

Ben quoting your couplet left, right and centre.

Feels good to be appreciated, and more so, by someone who seems very like-minded. Thanks :)

Shibangi said...

Hey! Just wanted to keep you posted that I am now writing at http://cinephilesfiles.wordpress.com/.
Do drop in sometime. Would like to hear from you.