Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Taking the Leap

Just how many of us are willing to take that one step that could either backfire and ruin your life for a long-long time or make you the champion of your own heart and mind, and among a smattering of other people? What is it that scares us? Why are we seeking the comfort of predictability and the security of a well-set life?

I know someone who has decided to quit a fantastic project in Philadelphia, the comforts of a pleasant life there and come rushing back to India win back his lady love. My friend feels it is a lost cause already, but he doesn't want to let go of the 1 per cent chance he has. He doesn't want to wonder later on "what if I had taken that risk?" I cheered for him, his spirit and while I had always respected him for his intelligence and his approach towards life, I grew to respect him even more.

Every day I hear some one or the other say, "I wish I could do something different," or, "I wish I could be some one different". So what is it that stops us from being that some one else? That some one different? Is it that we care too much about what others will think of us. That if we fail in what we set out to do, we will be ridiculed for life? That we will be looked at with some times covertly sympathetic glances or sometimes overtly sympathetic stares? Why do we care? Why do we succumb to the pressure of being accepted? What would happen if we are not accepted? Would we be labelled outlaws?

Where is the sense of adventure that ideally should define the human spirit? The right to be who you want to be is a very basic right. Just like the right to breathe, the right to think, the right to feel and the right to fall in love. But apparently the creation of society and the norms that define it have taken over these basic rights too. In the words of a very wise professor whose class I had the privilege of taking, "Choose. Make a choice. And stand by the choice, no matter what the consequences are. Some times you may fail. But the times you win, will be so worthwhile that the times you failed will not matter at all."

I do not mean disrespect to my elders, my peers or my family when I go on and act as per my will. I love all of them tremendously. They may not agree with what I choose to do, but I cannot let that be among the biggest factors that deter me from doing what I want. Call me stubborn. Call me insolent. Call me foolish. That's who I am. I used to be someone else, thinking the world with oust me if I express what I am within; till I met a whole bunch of mavericks who were as eager to burst out of their fenced lives. That made me realise that I am not the only dreamer, not the only "mad" person around. There are many more just like me, "madder" than I am.

I can claim to have taken that metaphorical leap - in my career. It was not easy. I had considerations - big ones. It was all about taking that one step out of the line drawn around me. That one step was the most difficult. It hasn't been very smooth sailing after that. But yes, life's getting easier. I enjoyed the unpredictability, the fact that I was a little aimless for a while. There were moments where I feared I would have to go back across the line. But it worked out fine. It's just about that one leap. And my advice to all would be to take it.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Sweet Venom

The poison is snaking its way up my veins with every pulsating beat of my heart. I feel the sweet, cold fire slither along the mesh of crimson elixir of life streaming through my sinews, relishing the feel of overpowering a body that is resisting, doing its best to not give in to the titillating sensation.

My Skin erupts in goose flesh, unable to take it any more; willing for the coursing of the venom to stop. I writhe in ecstasy of losing to this agonising pleasure. Cold sweat breaking out all over. I kick. I scream. I wish to calm down. I wish to be lost in this tumultuous frenzy.

I shiver in fright. I cringe in pain. I scream in jubilation. I revel in being enclosed in the arms of sensuous entrapment. I soar in seizures of liberation.

This is how being ruined must feel like. This is what loss must be. This is the way one rejoices being enraptured. This must be euphoria taking control. This is hell's angels ruling the ordinary mortals, leading them to their doom using temptation.

The scorpion has mesmerised me. I long for yet another sting

Friday, November 12, 2010

Dear Readers,

The following is a link to my blog on the Business Standard website. Please click on the following link to read it. Your valuable comments on the website are welcome as always.


Monday, November 01, 2010

I Seek, But I Cannot Find It

I was once asked, "what would happen if we were to part?"
While I could only imagine the pain it would mean
I had just tried to be a realist and said,
"Life goes on..."

Life does go on
But the pain deepens every night
When keepsakes in my mind flood my moments of solitude
When sleep plays hide and seek with my ravaged, tired, sleepless head

I seek company, I seek crowds; I run away
I seek isolation, confinement; I run away
I seek out my reclusive alter ego; I run away
I seek replays of good times; I run away

Far and away where I find find no one
I seek to lose myself in a hazy maze of adored dreams
Spiteful reality closing in on it, leaving me looking around
Searching for an exit; I feel trapped

Trapped in a spiral of endless wait
Trapped despite the openness in my heart
Trapped in the quagmire of my own expectations and self-respect
Trapped in the whirlwind of a tumultuous, rocky, addled  spirit

I dream, I hope, I reminisce; I cannot seem to find it
Groping about in the grim, dark alleys, the paths of my memory
I seek to find the same love, pleasure, pain
I cannot find it