My closest friends were those from school. At least, that's what I used to think. We had no expectations. We did want to share lunch and pencils and stationery. But we were unaffected with what opportunities we could provide each other with in the future. As I have grown older and made more friends, I find myself lonely in a world where all relationships are based on the motto of 'Give and Take'.

I do not blame anyone. Even I find myself expecting people to behave in a certain way and treat me in a way that I define as perfect. Why is it that as we keep growing our mind conditions itself in a way that we begin to expect patterned behaviour and responses from others around us. The psychic constructs become so strong that the unfulfillment of our expectations have the innane strength to create discord in the relationships we are sent with or the ones we choose to make. One moment we are happy in blissful togetherness, the next leaves a bitter after taste when we realise that 'something' was missing.

Should we be so dependent on the psychic constructs that we ignore the beauty of relationships where people just co-exist with each other and choose to be with each other for the simple reason that they enjoy being with each other? Why has the business related concept of Return on Investments become so poular in case of personal relationships too? Are we so easy to condition? It's woth a thought.

A quote from a professor set me thinking, "Where the mind takes over, the fear is greater". I feel it is absolutely true for me. There have been times in my life where I have been really scared of learning things because I tried to analyse pros and cons of the actions that would gointo the learning. For example, I was fond of rock climbing. Once, during a camp a friend fell from some height. Thank God she didn't break her limbs, but she was in a state of mental shock for a very long time and started experiencing sudden bouts of anger for no reason. That left an imprint on my mind. I stopped rock climbing completely.

Last year, during a picnic to Lonavla, I was so scared of getting to the waterfall. I am so glad that my friends encouraged me to get there. I enjoyed the entire experience. They engaged me in mindless conversation, which kept me from thinking, "what if I fall?" They, in some way did not let me think too much. All thanks to them, for they did not let my mind, and subsequently my fear take over.

Plain surprise is what describes the feeling that hit me during introspection the other day. I have no reason to complain about not being happy with life if I choose to feel unhappy. We are sorrowful when we choose to ignore things around us that make us happy. But a friend's question struck me the most. Isn't the environment also responsible for influencing our mood at most of the times? One question leads to another. NO wonder life isn't simple.Also, contexts differ.
Some day, seeing a sunset would mean beauty, an array of vibrant shades across the horizon, and the satisfaction of having lived another day to the fullest. Another day, a sunset would mean the end of something beautiful, arrival of darkness, and thedread of facing another day with its ordeals. Our way of thinking changes from time to time, and from context to context. Can we really control our thoughts so much. If we could, we would all be majorlyself-actualised GURUJIs - the kinds who jump with glee at the prospect of flooding the bookshops with another self-help book.