I am one of those who often thinks India has no future as long as its corrupt people live by their own rules. But at the same time, I can’t help but feel proud as an Indian. Like in life I have my bouts of joys and sorrows, my feelings for my mother land oscillate between disappointment and unadulterated benevolence. What happened to the murderer of Jessica Lall is what should have happened about a year back, but as they say, better late than never.

The power of public opinion and protest is not to be questioned. Just observing how the media and we, the people got together to demand for the justice that Jessica deserved, highlighted a new angle of the psyche of the ordinary Indian. It reminds me of a song…”Hum logon ko samajh sako to samjho dilbar jaani, Jitna bhi tum samjhoge utni hogi hairaani..”

We may be backward. Lies, bribes, hypocrisy and filthy social habits may have put us on the world map as a “Developing nation”, but, at the same time, Jessica’s murder case has reaffirmed our place as the world’s largest democracy. The sad part is that Jessica is no more to see it happen.

But, do we need such costly examples to check the authenticity of our Constitution?

Being Me.

22nd day in my first job. Wonderful so far. People are great and supportive. I seem to have the right work/life balance (but, too soon to make such statements…right?) Except for one small problem…

I am a member of a networking site, where a few of my company people have formed a community of sorts. Since I received an invitation to join in, I did. This community also has some people who have left the company for some time now; reasons for which – I do not know.

It all started with nice welcome messages and introduction. Then the ex-employees began sending me vague messages about the company being not a very good place to be in. About the company doesn’t pay too well compared to most other upcoming firms (read-IT/ ITES/ BPO/ Consulting Houses. Our company doesn’t even remotely compete with such organizations!). I got the feeling that he wanted to reaffirm his ill-faith about the company by listening to me say something on similar lines. I could shut him up then, but I know he will try it with others too.

I don’t know why people try to be “guardian angels” for others. They try to come forward, without being asked to, and want to sway our perceptions towards a certain side, one where they would like to create a strong hold for themselves, be leaders of a group that’s anti-something. That, for many, seems to fulfill their power motive. Leaders of thought, however meaningless and unimportant – any day more powerful than leaders in physical force.

I only asked him to let me have the time to form my own opinion about the company. I did not want to be influenced by what others faced here. Experiences shape our perceptions, but I feel, it also happens the other way round. Our existing perceptions also shape our experiences. If I base my perception of my work place on what my “well-wishers” have to say, my experience will not be good, for I shall start seeing everything in a poor light. All attempts of the company to make me feel welcome would be seen as fattening the goat before devouring it.

I am not saying that these “well-wishers” were trying to turn me anti-my company. Maybe they are trying to help me. But, no thanks! I’ll ask for help when I need it. The least I can do to remain myself, is to have my own experiences and judgments backing my decisions and opinions, for life. And there lies the need to be objective.

I try to feel love in everything I do. When I wake up every morning, I feel love for all the people I know (unless I am in a really crappy mood 'cos of something bad that happened the previous day, and don't know who to blame; rare though). I take every new day as it comes. I believe, loving others has a lot to do with being able to love oneself. Loving oneself doesn't mean being a narcissist (standing in front of the mirror and admiring self). It's being in sync with who I am, being aware of myself, my qualities, talents, my abilities and being perfectly happy with them. Once, I love myself, I can love others. Once I love others, the world is a more beautiful place to live in.

For all those who are wary of love, I might as well say one thing. Giving up on love and giving up on life is not what one should do to live a life free from heartbreaks. Making one's existence vegetable like is not the right thing to do. Life has a lot more to offer than a couple of broken relationships. Wallowing in self-pity is just not done. Introspection is important, but giving up is not. It is one life. Rather than living an eternity being wary of love, one should feel it, experience it and love being in love.

My closest friends were those from school. At least, that's what I used to think. We had no expectations. We did want to share lunch and pencils and stationery. But we were unaffected with what opportunities we could provide each other with in the future. As I have grown older and made more friends, I find myself lonely in a world where all relationships are based on the motto of 'Give and Take'.

I do not blame anyone. Even I find myself expecting people to behave in a certain way and treat me in a way that I define as perfect. Why is it that as we keep growing our mind conditions itself in a way that we begin to expect patterned behaviour and responses from others around us. The psychic constructs become so strong that the unfulfillment of our expectations have the innane strength to create discord in the relationships we are sent with or the ones we choose to make. One moment we are happy in blissful togetherness, the next leaves a bitter after taste when we realise that 'something' was missing.

Should we be so dependent on the psychic constructs that we ignore the beauty of relationships where people just co-exist with each other and choose to be with each other for the simple reason that they enjoy being with each other? Why has the business related concept of Return on Investments become so poular in case of personal relationships too? Are we so easy to condition? It's woth a thought.

A quote from a professor set me thinking, "Where the mind takes over, the fear is greater". I feel it is absolutely true for me. There have been times in my life where I have been really scared of learning things because I tried to analyse pros and cons of the actions that would gointo the learning. For example, I was fond of rock climbing. Once, during a camp a friend fell from some height. Thank God she didn't break her limbs, but she was in a state of mental shock for a very long time and started experiencing sudden bouts of anger for no reason. That left an imprint on my mind. I stopped rock climbing completely.

Last year, during a picnic to Lonavla, I was so scared of getting to the waterfall. I am so glad that my friends encouraged me to get there. I enjoyed the entire experience. They engaged me in mindless conversation, which kept me from thinking, "what if I fall?" They, in some way did not let me think too much. All thanks to them, for they did not let my mind, and subsequently my fear take over.

Plain surprise is what describes the feeling that hit me during introspection the other day. I have no reason to complain about not being happy with life if I choose to feel unhappy. We are sorrowful when we choose to ignore things around us that make us happy. But a friend's question struck me the most. Isn't the environment also responsible for influencing our mood at most of the times? One question leads to another. NO wonder life isn't simple.Also, contexts differ.
Some day, seeing a sunset would mean beauty, an array of vibrant shades across the horizon, and the satisfaction of having lived another day to the fullest. Another day, a sunset would mean the end of something beautiful, arrival of darkness, and thedread of facing another day with its ordeals. Our way of thinking changes from time to time, and from context to context. Can we really control our thoughts so much. If we could, we would all be majorlyself-actualised GURUJIs - the kinds who jump with glee at the prospect of flooding the bookshops with another self-help book.